Its All In How You Look At It

Updated: Mar 2, 2020

I love my life, but I have had some very bad, very sad things happen in my short life. What I learned from those losses, and those who have gone before me, is how you see things is always a choice.

Right about now you are probably telling yourself I am only saying this because nothing really bad has ever happened to me. I can assure you, that is completely false.

My sister, who was my best friend, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in two thousand and five and I went through a divorce in the same year. Two and a half years later she passed at the age of thirty-nine. One year later my mom passed unexpectedly of an aneurysm or a heart attack. Two years after that my dad passed. Then, my remaining family member started being awful to me for reasons I can only speculate. We haven't talked for years. I lost my whole family in the four year time span before I turned forty-five.

I've been through some stuff, my friend. I could have curled up and died and honestly I felt like doing just that a time or two . What got me through it all was those who had gone before me. They lived their lives in a way that made me see I had a choice. They smiled and laughed their last days on the planet. If they could go through all they went through with a positive, happy outlook, who was I to not hold onto my own? I felt obligated. I felt empowered. I felt emboldened.

Let me give you some more examples. When I went through my divorce I was completely beaten down in a psychological way. Some of this was a result of things which actually happened during the divorce, but some of it was due to stories I told myself.

The year I went through my divorce, I thought of myself as a failure because my parents had been married fifty years and I couldn't make it past thirteen. When someone said something nice to me or gave me a compliment I would immediately tear up. At that time, I didn't think I was worthy. Did you really grasp that? I told myself stories and I felt like a failure. No one told me I was a failure. No one told me I wasn't trying hard enough. No one told me these things, except for me.

The world literally seemed darker to me during that time. I am not using the word literally in the wrong sense there. The sunshine didn't seem as bright. The lights in my office seemed dimmer. There is a reason people call it being in a dark place or a dark time of their lives. No one else told me I was a failure or a disappointment except for me. In fact, my parents were supportive. Deep down, I believed I was a good person, but somehow, concurrently, I told myself I must be awful or I could have made my marriage work.

As I began dragging myself out of the muck and mire things became brighter and more vibrant. Through reading and writing, family and friends, my children, and keeping my focus on all of the good in my life, I started seeing the light. I started coming out of the dark place, literally and figuratively.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you look at things differently, the things you look at change.

You see, my friends, we don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.

We have the power to control that though. We have it within us to decide how we look at the world and our circumstances, and even, how we look at ourselves. All we need is a shift, a movement, some sort of change. We need to direct our center of attention at the thing we are trying to see. It seems like a pretty huge undertaking when you're in the dark. It's hard to target the light when all you can see is the dark, but I can assure you it is still there for you to find.

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